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Princess Booski is secure in his manhood.

What do normal families do on Saturday mornings?

{Sam Smith song comes in in the car} Dizzle: "Mom, can you turn it? I can't listen to this guy whine anymore."

Have you ever slept so hard that you wake up looking like the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air?

When you can only break dance with those fast feet because you have stitches in your little hand.

Poor little brother found out how low he falls on the totem pole.

Another day, another severed Barbie hand found in my bed.

Dizzle: "Mom, guess what! I did that gymnastics move without breaking my neck."

​​ When you're going to a pool party and you've got to get it right.

Name: Booski  Hobbies: obsessively combing his hair Likes: combs, lots of product Dislikes: flyaways, people touching his hair In search of: a gold chain and a track suit to complete his guido look. 

Me:  Dizzle, do you think you're going to want to be a mom someday? Dizzle: Nah, I think I'm just gonna have a boyfriend. 

Me: If you can't be nice to your brother when your friend is over,  poor Gabby is going to have to go home. Dizzle: I didn't even do anything. And Gabby is not poor!

In order of importance: 1. World peace 2. A cure for cancer 3. My 6 year-old daughter to stop singing Slow Hands.

Question: On June 18, 2017, the toilet became clogged with a watermelon rind. This human is the culprit. Answer: Who is Booski?

Booski had a fever the other day and I was trying to figure out what was going on with him.  Me: Do you have a headache? Him: No. Me: Do you have a stomach ache? Him: No. Me: Does your throat hurt? Him: No. Me: Do your ears hurt?  Him: No. Him:🤔 I had the…

When the photographer tells you that if you smile nice you'll get fruit snacks, you're going to make sure your little brother doesn't ruin it for you. 

Things that are cute: when your husband is trying to plan something for your 10 year anniversary.  Things that are not cute: when you realize he's planning it for the wrong month because he has no idea the date of your anniversary. 

Dizzle: I want to wear the same shirt today. Me: You wore that shirt yesterday and it has a big taco spot right on your chest. Dizzle: I know, I love how I can smell like tacos all day. 

My daughter summed up: Husband is the kids' baseball coach and he asks the team "Ok kids, what's the #1 rule on our team?" Dizzle: "BE AGGRESSIVE!" Husband: "I appreciate your intensity but it's have fun." Husband: "What's our #2 rule?" Dizzle: "BE AGGRESSIVE!" Husband: "Ok, I really like it but it's try your best."

Dizzle is appalled that she hasn't made "one, single money" yet in her new business venture. I'm not sure why she's so surprised since it's a dog washing business and she has yet to wash one, single dog. 

Dizzle: When is Luna's birthday? Me: You know what? It's actually Christmas. Dizzle: Whoa, that's crazy! So she's just like Jesus... except I'm pretty sure Jesus didn't poop on the floor.  (Luna is the puppy, not some weird aunt who poops in floors). 

Me: "I love the puppy being this small. I don't want her to get big yet."  Bennett:  "Well, what if we just don't feed her?"

Keeping that marriage alive, friends. 

Advice of the day: never tell your kid that you "fired" someone unless you're positive that he knows the meaning of the word. My son is now convinced that I have set another human being on fire. On the bright side, he hasn't talked back all night. 

I slept so peacefully last night after Bennett softly whispered in my ear "you're gonna die before me."

Booski is a glass half full kind of guy. A few days after our beloved dog dies: "Hey Mom, now that Shooter is dead, I can finally beat him in a race."

Booski is really into the word "boring" right now. It's really confusing for me when he keeps telling me how boring it is to sit in the car for the 10 minute drive to school. I'm already serenading him from the front seat. Does he want me to add an instrument? Some choreography?  Maybe he…

Please consider this my public apology to the custodian at my son's school. I'm sure clean up was extra fun after Booski thought it was hilarious to turn off the lights on his buddies while they were still peeing. 

Being the favorite 364 days a year ain't so bad. You're up, Dad. 

Can you guess what happened here?

I was reeeeeally relieved when my daughter told me that this was a drawing of the photographer taking our family pictures. 

My boy was so proud of his "snowflake" that I told him to go hang it up in his room. This is how he took that.

This is right before got so excited and said "whoa, look how tall I am!" 

Naked Olympic watching and cereal drinking. Everybody's doing it.

How to give your mom a heart attack: Don your favorite ski mask. Hang a jump rope from the balcony. Tell mom you were "just gonna swing down real quick."

Should I be concerned or proud that my daughter just dunked her brother's dirty diaper in the trash and yelled "boom shakalaka"?

Dizzle's dad: I like to play in sandboxes, too.  But it's important not to talk back to your mom and dad because that's naughty. And they love you so much so you should be nice to them. Dizzle: I know because but they're just rude about some things. Dizzle's dad: Well, I don't know.…

"Oh, I swapped my ear in the face."

Out to dinner as a family. I can't understand why everyone is staring at us.

There's always that one drunk girl at every pool party.

Booski could no longer fight the urge to jazzercise.

Booski is not invited to family pictures next year.   Photo cred: Heather Abram Photography

And you thought you were having a rough day...

The drop in confidence you experience when your daughter makes this and says "Look! It's you Mommy!"

Dizzle got really upset when I tried to take the mascara off her face. "Leave it on! I'm beautiful!"

Watching this kid give himself a breathing treatment makes me worry about his future habits.

Sure Dizzle, you can sleep in our bed. Oh, please make yourself comfortable. Yeah, by all means, stretch your legs out. Oh, your foot is cold? Your daddy's face will keep it warm.

Looks like someone changed his little mind.

So you're telling me that two is too young to have gum?

When I find myself having to dig this screw from deep within my son's nose, I start to worry about his future.

This is what I'm supposed to carve?!

Go home, Dora. You're drunk.

Reason my toddler is losing his mind.

Booski walks by when the Bachelor was on TV. "Whoa, that boy has a loooooot of sisters."

This is a picture of me playing volleyball. But you already knew that.

When you decide to risk your life for that handful of chocolate chips.

Dizzle: "If I'm late for daycare, I'm gonna get fired."

Me: Did you learn anything new today in school? Dizzle: Yeah, I learned how to do the dab.

I love when I'm putting my son to bed and he asks such thought provoking questions like "would I die if I got shot in the weiner?"

Booski: "Mom, when do you think you'll get bigger so you've can go to college? You're not even getting any bigger."

Dizzle wanted to liven things up. Party in Bethlehem.

Dizzle: "Mom, I did something kind today! I let Brooklyn cut me in line." Me: "That's great. How about you Booski, did you do anything nice today?" Booski: "No, I wasn't feelin' it."

The unsuspecting princess has no idea that she's about to get drop kicked by a ghost ninja.

6:30 am Dizzle comes in my room, gently taps me on my forehead and whisper yells Mom, I have a really important question. How do you say "Would you like a breadstick, my dear?" in Spanish? My life is so weird.

The only way my son will practice his writing is if we're writing potty words. So far, he's mastered poop, pee and toots.

Whenever I start to think that adulting is hard, I just remember that I get all the pink and red Mike & Ikes and give the garbage flavor to my kids.

Do cement trucks dump dirt? What do pigs eat? Why are adults bigger than kids? How come you're not very big? Did Jesus ever meet a big dragon? Are dinosaurs just sorta big or super big? Why is it harder to go on one ski than two skis? How come my favorite color is red…

Booski: "Dizzle, you can have my Detroit Tigers flip flops, but I get 'em back when you die."

Is it a swear to say "SEE YA LATA SUCKA?"

True love is yelling "smash it!" to your sister when she's up to bat, even though you're playing shortstop on the opposing team.

Dizzle: I can't believe you picked that gum off the ground and put it in your mouth. That's disgusting! Booski: Well, I wiped the ants off it first.

Shoutout to all the guests at Two Tonys, who acted completely unfazed when my son dropped his pants and whipped his business out right in the middle of dinner.

Dizzle: "I'm just so tired of dealing with Booski's 'sponsibilities!"

Say what you want about me, in my daughter's opinion, I'm a stone cold fox. But can I get a B cup?!

My son has worn the same outfit for a solid nine days. Consistency is key. Just ask the smelly kid.

Dizzle (to Annie): "Booski (1 year) asked if you'd give him a piece of candy because he wants to give it to me."

Booski has three comebacks: 1. "Pizza toots" This is generally said in good fun. It's said in a sing-songy, teasing voice. He's smiling. 2. "Booty buttcwack"   He's starting to get mad. This is usually in response to a person taking one of his toys or turning Power Rangers off. He's no longer smiling. His voice…

I am thankful for Dizzle's artwork. I'm the one on the far left with the hair blowing in the wind and her dad seems to have a serious neck injury.

Conversation with my daughter regarding school conferences: Me: "Your teacher said you talk while she's talking. That's disrespectful." Dizzle: "My brain tells me to do it." Me: "Well don't listen to your brain." Dizzle: "It's in charge of me." Me: "No, I am in charge of you." Dizzle:  "Well, you're not with me in school and…

Life advice from big sis to little bro: "Never touch a skunk or you'll be the smelly kid."

I'm pretty confident that my kid was the only one who showed up for picture day wearing a cutoff baseball shirt.

Me to Dizzle: "I'm really proud to be your mama." Dizzle to Me: "Yeah, I'm really proud to be your sister. Eh, close enough.

Dizzle: "I was being fantastic. That means I said it in a funny voice and I didn't really mean it."

Reason why my daughter is crying: Booski said to her "You smell like a buttcwack."

Getting your picture taken with your little brother is not as fun as getting your picture taken with your big sister.

Dizzle (while trying to teach a neighbor friend to dance): "No, no, no. You have to wave your arms in the air like you just don't care."

Sometimes I'm pretty certain that my daughter is a genius. And then I get a call from daycare telling me that she put rock salt up her nose.

I think my newly potty trained Booski just used the "sandwich approach" with me. We're on our way to the gym and all in a fast sentence, he says "I lub you so mush Mommy I just pooped my pants I lub you so mush."

Me: Hey bud, how was your day? Dizzle: Good. We went to church. Father Mark was there. Me: Oh yeah? Dizzle: Yeah, I heard Jesus was there, too, but I didn't see him.

Dizzle to me: "If you don't give me four cookies in my hand, I don't think I'll be your best friend anymore. Then, it'll be Daddy."

Dizzle (3) just grabbed Booski (1) by the face and gave him the sincerest apology: "I'm sorry I almost broke your neck."

Does anyone know how to make a wimpy dog out of play-doh? This is what my daughter is requesting.